Small Business and Home Office Blog North America April Archive blog.topic  

Office Joke Compilation

By Office Bull at 04/18/08 04:20

TOP TEN EXCUSES FOR FALLING ASLEEP AT YOUR DESK

• "I wasn't sleeping, I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands."
• "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
• "Amen"
• "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."
• "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"
• "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress."
• "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
• "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"
• "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
• "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

-------------------------------------------------------------- THE YOUNG BUSINESSMAN

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.

He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"

The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."

-------------------------------------------------------------- Business vs. IT

A man flying a hot air balloon realizes he is lost. He reduces altitude and sees a man below. He shouts,- “Excuse me. Where am I?” The man below says, “You’re in a hot air balloon about 30 feet above this field.” “You must work in Information Technology,” says the balloonist. “That right, I do,” replies the man. “How did you know?” “Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but of absolutely no use to me at this time.” The man below says, “You must be in business.” “I am,” replies the balloonist. “How did you know?” “Well,” says the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. Now you’re in exactly the same position you were before we met, but now you’ve made it my fault!”

-------------------------------------------------------------- The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school, which leave 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government. This leaves 19 million to do the work. 4 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work. Take from the total the 14.8 million people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work. There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the work. Now, there are 11,998 people in Prisons. That leaves Just two people to do the work. You and me. And you're just sitting there reading jokes all day!